Taking sides
Lately there’s been a conflict between me and the i want to be me. I’ve been playing it safe, with no risk, no effort, no nothing. It’s just a massive earthquake of nothingness inside. Days where i just feel emotionally flat. I don’t know whether i should do this or say that. It’s like my existence is just to exist in nothing. My mind has been quiet these days. That silence is killing me. Yes, i’ve been productive when it comes to making music, Yes, i hangout with my friends, most of my time i spend it with them, and it makes me feel alive but i can’t deny the fact that there’s something missing. Yet to be found. I used to read poems, books, become my very own little self poet. I know it’s nerdy but that’s the thing that keeps my mind active. My mind’s purpose is to make believe i can make things happen in my own way, and sometimes it does work. Making belief keeps me going. Times that i wish i can go back in time and just rewind every little picture my eyes have seen. Our heart is connected to our mind, both has different sides. We take sides, sometimes we both take it and sometimes, both doesn’t play any role at all. I can’t say i don’t have time for myself, i can have all the time i want, makes me reflect with myself. But what am i doing? i talk to both but no one replies. Writing songs has been really hard on me this past few months. I get a pen, a paper but lost the thought, the mind, the soul. I guess the backbone of it all is myself. In order to write, i need to learn myself. It’s a daily basis, and everything seems wrong. Learn to be yourself. Easy to say, hard to find.
