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warunderwater

Lately I’ve been on and off about ideas and stuff that i wasn’t really into. Stuff that seems to be inconsistent or doesn’t really fit into my personality. I’m not going to lie, the past few months i had was great. Great friends, great company and new shit I’ve been into. I don’t really understand what the purpose of those things might actually do for me but to have that feelings seems worth holding onto. It came to my mind that in order to keep holding this feeling i need to let go of a couple of things i got used to. It may feel unhealthy from the start but i believe that on the edge of that idea, i can get something out of it.

I can’t shake off the feeling that I’m in a prison cell and the things that I’m chasing after is behind bars as well. I need to find that key. In order to do so, i need to find the key for myself before i can start chasing what I’m going after.

There are stuffs I think about when I’m in rhythm with myself. Taking time outs every now and then just to catch up with what I’m really feeling. It feels like I’m in the middle of a war under water.

I need something new, fresh and organic

how can you?

i always spend my time figuring out my own mixer. I’m being my own engineer when it comes to piloting myself. Most of the times i take flight on the deepest thoughts that i can think of. And also, most of the times, i can’t deliver it right to my conscious state. Song writing is supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to be where you freely write what you feel, how you feel, what you’re concerned about, and wherever your creativity leads you. In order to write, you have to know yourself. To know yourself is to know where you came from. I spend most of my time outside with friends that i lost contact with what i’m supposed to be. I need to seize the gap in between the lines.

They always say everyone’s a critic, well, that’s true. You can’t please everyone. If you can’t please yourself, how can you please somebody else. I always look up to my mates as critics with what i do, and it’s a scary thing to deal with but i believe that the hardest critic you can ever face is yourself. Everyone is entitled to question their self if they’ve done the real thing. Real thing meaning what you really want to say and express and deliver. It’s something everyone can’t easily deal with. How can you deal with it? Where do you start?

MARIO WAS BLAZIN'

Struggle

How do you find yourself? Is it just a mere quest for self exploration? A quest around the people around us? A quest that only fate can decide?

Fate is a funny thing to understand. Experts say you control fate when you know how to control yourself. Fate is anonymous, fate is something we run after. What is fate? what are we running after anyway? Enlightenment? Experience? Life. If fate has complete control of everything then why do we have to search ourselves? Can we just let fate do the math? We have choices, yes, but fate has a big role in our decisions. Change, If i don’t like change then i don’t like life.

How do i break out off the box. The box suppresses my ability to learn. The box consists of locked up thoughts that i need to grow as a person. A complete struggle to become a person. If i want to be a person i need to know struggle. Going thru struggle makes a human.

Taking sides

Lately there’s been a conflict between me and the i want to be me. I’ve been playing it safe, with no risk, no effort, no nothing. It’s just a massive earthquake of nothingness inside. Days where i just feel emotionally flat. I don’t know whether i should do this or say that. It’s like my existence is just to exist in nothing. My mind has been quiet these days. That silence is killing me. Yes, i’ve been productive when it comes to making music, Yes, i hangout with my friends, most of my time i spend it with them, and it makes me feel alive but i can’t deny the fact that there’s something missing. Yet to be found. I used to read poems, books, become my very own little self poet. I know it’s nerdy but that’s the thing that keeps my mind active. My mind’s purpose is to make believe i can make things happen in my own way, and sometimes it does work. Making belief keeps me going. Times that i wish i can go back in time and just rewind every little picture my eyes have seen. Our heart is connected to our mind, both has different sides. We take sides, sometimes we both take it and sometimes, both doesn’t play any role at all. I can’t say i don’t have time for myself, i can have all the time i want, makes me reflect with myself. But what am i doing? i talk to both but no one replies. Writing songs has been really hard on me this past few months. I get a pen, a paper but lost the thought, the mind, the soul. I guess the backbone of it all is myself. In order to write, i need to learn myself. It’s a daily basis, and everything seems wrong. Learn to be yourself. Easy to say, hard to find.

Focal Point #1

Empty Cup

Lying is part of the game.

It’s been awhile since i last ranted all my thoughts out of my head. This time around, it has been really frustrating and confusing, not only to my “activities” but in general, myself.

There’s always this battle between you and your inner unconscious self. Where certain things you just throw out of your mouth, unconsciously. For example, lying. Lying always ends up, neither way good or bad. It only becomes good when you lie for a good reason but in general it’s bad cause it always ends up as a lie. A lie is another use for reasoning. Reasoning for backing up our ego and owes ego a huge impact in due time. And ego gets trampled on by forsee-ing the future consequences. 

Lying plays two different parts. First is explanation. We lie to get off the tangled situation, we think we can breathe freely after saying a smooth sail of broken words. But every lie has a dead end, every lie needs to have a certain explanation. For good or worse? nobody cares. you went down hill, find your way out.  Before we meet that dead end, we make up fantasies, different routes, picturing ourselves a routine on how we’re gonna explain the silly made up story. 

Second, Selfishness. Greed always has been a brother to lie. We lie because lie took greed off the bench and now playing as the Midfielder. We fully aim for our wants, fulfilling our satisfaction. Trying to pass the goal keeper for the goal, but greed has different qualities, good or bad? heals or injures? Does generosity even feels as much more rewarding as greed?